When Plans Derail: My Struggles with Flexibility

Predictability and structure aren’t just preferences—they’re essential for me when navigating daily life. Precise plans, schedules, and agreed-upon tasks give me a sense of control, stability, and fairness. But when other people deviate from the plan—prioritising social chatter over getting things done—it’s not just a minor irritation. For me, it can feel deeply frustrating and sometimes invalidating.

The Comfort of Predictability

I rely on plans as a kind of lifeline. When there’s a clear schedule, I can focus my energy, mentally prepare for the tasks ahead, and feel secure knowing what’s expected. A plan represents a shared agreement, a commitment to how we’re going to spend our time. When that plan goes awry—especially for what feels like avoidable reasons—it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me.

Picture this: I come to a team meeting, ready to tackle the agenda. I’ve mentally rehearsed what’s coming, planned how I’ll contribute, and geared up to work through each item. But instead of diving in, the meeting drifts into casual conversation. People start talking about weekend plans, favourite TV shows, or inside jokes. What seems like harmless bonding to others leaves me feeling invisible and sidelined.

For me, those moments aren’t just unproductive—they’re stressful. It’s not simply about the tasks that aren’t getting done; it’s about the unspoken message that the plan doesn’t matter. While I understand that my colleagues might see these conversations as relationship-building, to me, they often feel like obstacles to getting the work done and sticking to what was agreed upon.

The Emotional Toll

These moments don’t just derail my focus; they often send me spiralling into self-doubt:

* Am I being too rigid?

* Why doesn’t anyone else seem frustrated by this?

* Is it okay for me to feel this way?

This inner dialogue can leave me feeling isolated. It’s hard not to feel like the odd one out, the only person in the room who values the plan over the banter. These experiences can amplify challenges with social inclusion and make me question whether my needs are valid

For Colleagues:

* Respect structure: Understand that for some of us, plans aren’t just a suggestion—they’re vital for our success.

* Balance social time: If bonding is important, carve out specific moments for it, like starting or ending the meeting with a casual chat.

* Be inclusive: If someone like me tries to steer the group back on track, acknowledge it positively instead of brushing it off.

Changing the Narrative

Flexibility is often celebrated, but it’s worth remembering that not everyone thrives in a “go with the flow” environment. I bring unique strengths to the table—an eye for detail, a commitment to fairness, and a focus on getting things done. Sticking to the plan isn’t about being rigid for me; it’s about respect—for time, effort, and the agreements we’ve made.

When workplaces and learning environments foster mutual understanding, they create spaces where everyone, neurodivergent or not, can feel valued and heard. True inclusivity doesn’t just accommodate differences—it recognises and celebrates them. And for people like me, that can make all the difference.

When Anxiety Isn't a Superpower

Recently, a friend shared with me a video of actress Emma Stone saying that she views her anxiety as a "superpower." I genuinely admire her perspective—seeing people talk about mental health in empowering ways is inspiring. For some, anxiety can be a motivator, a force that sharpens focus or even pushes them to accomplish great things. But for others, anxiety isn’t a superpower. It’s a barrier, a constant presence that can feel as limiting as it is consuming.

As someone who struggles with anxiety daily, I wanted to share my perspective on how it feels when anxiety isn’t something you can turn into a hidden strength. Unlike a burst of energy before an important presentation or the nerves that keep you alert in a high-stakes situation, anxiety for me—and many others—is pervasive and persistent. It doesn’t just come and go with challenging moments; it lingers, impacting everything from daily tasks to personal relationships.

When people talk about anxiety as a "superpower," they might picture someone who uses their heightened awareness to sense problems early or stay organised under pressure. But in reality, the experience of debilitating anxiety can be far from that ideal. Imagine, instead, a mind that constantly overthinks every possibility, a body that's always tense, and a sense of dread that often lacks any clear cause. For many, this isn’t the kind of anxiety that offers any advantage; it’s simply exhausting.

There’s an often-overlooked side of anxiety that makes even simple things feel insurmountable. It’s not a temporary feeling of nerves but a constant companion that weighs down the simplest of decisions or the most routine tasks. Anxiety can keep you up at night, make it difficult to focus, or even push you to avoid the very things you want to do. It’s like being held back by invisible threads, tugging you away from your goals and desires, no matter how much you try to break free.

This isn’t to say that people like Emma Stone are wrong to see their anxiety in a positive light—mental health experiences vary widely, and for some, reframing anxiety as a source of strength can be empowering. But for many of us, anxiety isn’t something we can easily channel or embrace. It’s a challenge that can limit our lives, not enhance them.

So, for anyone out there who finds themselves nodding along, I hope this post reminds you that you’re not alone. It’s okay if anxiety doesn’t feel like a superpower. It’s okay if it feels like a constant struggle. Our experiences are valid, even if they don’t fit the narrative of strength and resilience we often hear. The more we share these diverse perspectives, the better we can understand and support each other in all our unique mental health journeys.

Navigating Life as a Gay Autistic Teen

Hey there, I’m Daniel. I’m 16, autistic, and gay. Living with both identities can be an adventure – a mix of challenges and moments that make me hopeful for the future. I wanted to share what it’s like in case anyone out there feels the same or needs to know they’re not alone.

One of the hardest things for me has been feeling different, and I don’t just mean in the typical “teenage” way. Being autistic, I often struggle with sensory overload. Crowded places, loud noises, and sudden changes make me feel like my brain is short-circuiting. Imagine walking through school with the hallways buzzing and everyone talking at once – it feels like you’re walking through a storm, but no one else seems to notice the thunder and lightning inside you.

And then there’s being gay. Sometimes, there’s an extra layer to this sense of "not fitting in." At school, I hear people casually throw around homophobic slurs or make jokes about LGBTQIA+ people. Even though it’s usually not aimed directly at me, it hurts. It reminds me that being open about who I am can be risky. I constantly wonder: “Will they still accept me if they know?”

Making friends hasn’t been easy. Some people don’t get why I don’t always make eye contact or why I repeat certain things. But I’ve found that when you meet the right people – the ones who don’t judge you for how you communicate or act – it feels like you’ve struck gold. I’m lucky to have a few close friends who accept me as I am, but I’m still searching for others, especially people in the LGBTQIA+ community, who understand what it’s like to juggle both identities.

Despite the tough days, I’m hopeful. I hope that as I grow older, the world will become more accepting of people like me. I dream of a world where being autistic or gay isn’t seen as "different" or "weird" but just another part of who someone is.

I want to walk into any space and feel like I belong. I hope that I can help others feel the same way—whether by speaking up for people with disabilities or by being an ally to their LGBTQIA+ friends. One day, I’d love to see schools become more inclusive, with programs that help neurodivergent students thrive without feeling like they have to fit into neurotypical boxes.

I’m not telling my story for pity or praise. I want others to know that being both autistic and gay can be hard, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. If you’re reading this and you feel like you don’t fit in – whether because of your sexuality, autism, or anything else – I want you to know you’re not alone. You matter, and your differences are your strength.

The journey is just beginning, and I’m hopeful for where it will lead.

Thanks for reading!

– Daniel*

* Name changed for privacy

Understanding Anxiety in Young Autistic Adults

Anxiety is a common experience for many young people, but for autistic individuals, it can manifest in unique and more intense ways. Understanding how anxiety works in autistic minds is essential for offering practical support and creating a more inclusive environment. Here, we’ll explore what anxiety might look like for young autistic people and provide valuable strategies for managing it.

Why Anxiety Affects Autistic Individuals Differently

For many autistic individuals, anxiety can be triggered by sensory overload, changes in routine, social expectations, or the unpredictability of everyday life. Since the brain processes information differently in autism, these triggers can feel overwhelming or inescapable. Something as simple as a crowded room, an unexpected event, or a loud sound can cause distress.

Anxiety is often linked with the need for predictability and control. For young autistic individuals, the world may feel unpredictable, and this can heighten feelings of unease. As they navigate environments that aren’t always designed with their needs in mind, anxiety becomes a natural response to the stressors they face.

Common Signs of Anxiety in Autistic Young People

Anxiety in autistic young people doesn’t always look the same as it does in non-autistic individuals. Some common signs to watch for include:

Increased meltdowns or shutdowns: Emotional overload may result in sudden emotional outbursts or withdrawal.

Rigid thinking or routines: The need for control can intensify, with a firm reliance on specific routines or rituals.

Avoidance: Anxiety might manifest as avoidance of social situations, school, or other environments where the young person feels vulnerable.

Physical symptoms: Headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue are often physical expressions of anxiety.

Recognising these signs early is crucial for intervening before the anxiety escalates.

Strategies for Managing Anxiety

Supporting a young autistic person’s anxiety begins with understanding and adapting to their specific needs. Here are a few strategies that may help:

Create Predictability: Consistent routines provide a sense of control. Where possible, keep changes minimal or give plenty of notice when inevitable.

Use Visual Supports: Autistic youth often respond well to visual schedules or cues that help them anticipate what’s coming next. This reduces uncertainty and can prevent anxiety from building.

Sensory-Friendly Environments: Overstimulating environments can worsen anxiety. Consider quieter spaces or tools like noise-cancelling headphones and dim lighting when needed.

Teach Relaxation Techniques: Breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or even sensory-based activities (such as using a fidget toy) can help an autistic individual calm their anxiety.

Encourage Open Communication: Building a safe space for young people to express their feelings and worries is essential. However, since communication can be challenging, alternative methods like drawing, writing, or technology may be required.

Social Support: Peer or mentor groups designed for neurodivergent youth can offer a safe space where the individual feels understood. Building friendships with others who share similar experiences helps reduce isolation and the anxiety that can come with it.

Seeking Professional Help

While strategies at home or in school can be highly effective, sometimes professional support is needed. Therapy with a professional familiar with neurodiversity, such as a neurodiversity-affirming counsellor, can help young autistic individuals develop tools to cope with their anxiety. Understanding and managing anxiety in young autistic individuals requires a compassionate and tailored approach. By recognising their triggers and offering the right tools, we can help these young people navigate anxiety with greater confidence and resilience. It's essential to remember that each autistic person is unique, and what works for one may not work for another—flexibility and patience are key. Providing a supportive environment, we help reduce their anxiety and create spaces where they can thrive.

Supporting Autistic Students: Disability Standards and Law in Australia

In Australia, the legal framework surrounding disability rights plays a crucial role in ensuring that school-aged autistic students receive the support they need to thrive in their educational journey.

The Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) 1992

The foundation of disability rights in Australia is the Disability Discrimination Act (DDA) 1992. This federal law makes it illegal to discriminate against someone based on their disability, including in education. The DDA covers all levels of education, from preschool to tertiary education, and applies to both public and private institutions.

Under the DDA, schools must make "reasonable adjustments" to accommodate students with disabilities, including autistic students. Reasonable adjustments are changes to the learning environment or teaching methods that help students access the curriculum on the same basis as their peers. For example, this could include providing a quiet space for breaks, using visual supports, or allowing extra time for tasks.

The Disability Standards for Education 2005

The Disability Standards for Education 2005 were established under the DDA to provide more detailed guidance on how educational institutions should comply with the law. These standards ensure that students with disabilities have equal access to education and can participate in all aspects of school life.

The key areas covered by the Disability Standards for Education include:

Enrolment: Schools must not refuse to enrol students based on their disability.

Participation: Schools must provide appropriate support to ensure that students with disabilities can participate in all school activities, both academic and extracurricular.

Curriculum Development and Delivery: Schools are required to adjust the curriculum to meet the needs of students with disabilities, ensuring they have the same opportunities to learn and succeed.

Student Support Services: Schools must provide necessary support services, such as speech therapy or occupational therapy, to help students with disabilities engage with their education.

Elimination of Harassment and Victimization: Schools must take steps to prevent and address bullying and harassment of students with disabilities.

These standards ensure that schools actively work towards inclusion and do not simply comply with the minimum legal requirements.

National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) and Education

While the NDIS primarily provides funding for disability-related support outside of the school system, it can play a complementary role in supporting autistic students in their education. For example, NDIS funding can be used for therapies that help students develop skills necessary for learning or for equipment that assists them in the classroom.

However, it's important to note that the schools, not the NDIS, are responsible for providing reasonable adjustments in education. The NDIS can provide additional support but does not replace the school's obligations under the DDA and Disability Standards for Education.

The Role of Schools in Supporting Autistic Students

Schools have a legal and ethical responsibility to create an inclusive environment where autistic students feel supported and valued. This involves making reasonable adjustments and fostering a school culture that celebrates diversity and promotes understanding of autism.

For school-aged autistic students, inclusive education can profoundly impact their academic success, social development, and overall well-being. By understanding and utilising the disability standards and laws in Australia, parents, educators, and advocates can work together to ensure that autistic students receive the support they need to reach their full potential.

Conclusion

Australia's disability standards and laws provide a robust framework for supporting school-aged autistic students. By ensuring that schools meet their legal obligations under the DDA and Disability Standards for Education, we can create an educational environment where every student has the opportunity to succeed. The collaboration between schools, families, and external supports like the NDIS is key to achieving this goal.

Navigating Indigenous Cultural Expectations and Autism

In Australia, the intersection of autism and Indigenous culture presents unique challenges and opportunities. For autistic Indigenous Australians, cultural differences influence their experiences and how they navigate both their neurodivergent identity and their cultural heritage.

The Importance of Culture in Indigenous Communities

Indigenous Australian cultures are diverse, with a rich tapestry of traditions, languages, and values passed down through generations. Cultural practices, connection to land, and community kinship play a central role in the lives of Indigenous people. Understanding and honouring these cultural aspects is crucial for autistic individuals within these communities.

Peer-reviewed research highlights the significance of cultural context in the diagnosis and support of autism in Indigenous Australians. According to a study by Cvejic et al. (2018), Indigenous families often place a high value on social relationships and community involvement, which can sometimes lead to misunderstandings when autistic individuals exhibit behaviours that diverge from these norms. The study also underscores the need for culturally sensitive diagnostic tools that consider the social and cultural environment of Indigenous children.

Navigating Cultural Expectations and Autism

Indigenous communities often have distinct ways of interacting and communicating, which can be at odds with the characteristics of autism, such as difficulties with social communication and repetitive behaviours. This can lead to challenges in how autistic individuals are perceived and supported within their communities. Research by Clifton, Birrell, and Vandenberg (2020) notes that Indigenous autistic individuals may experience a dual burden of stigma due to their cultural background and neurodivergent identity. This can make it difficult for them to express their needs and preferences, particularly in environments that do not accommodate their cultural and neurological differences.

The Role of Community and Support Systems

Support systems within Indigenous communities are often based on collective care and shared responsibility, which can be both a strength and a challenge for autistic individuals. The concept of "yarning" – a culturally specific form of storytelling and conversation—is often used to build understanding and trust within the community. For autistic individuals who may struggle with typical conversational norms, finding ways to participate in yarning can be challenging but also offers an opportunity to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Studies such as Armstrong et al. (2019) emphasise incorporating culturally appropriate methods into autism support and intervention programs. This includes involving Indigenous elders and community leaders in developing these programs, ensuring they are culturally sensitive and aligned with community values.

The Need for Culturally Responsive Services

There is a growing recognition of the need for autism services that are responsive to Indigenous Australians' cultural contexts. The use of culturally adapted resources, training for service providers in cultural competency, and the involvement of Indigenous voices in service design are all critical steps towards improving support for autistic Indigenous Australians. Research by Purdie, Dudgeon, and Walker (2010) suggests that services that are not culturally responsive may inadvertently alienate Indigenous families, making it harder for them to access the support they need.

For autistic Indigenous Australians, the intersection of cultural identity and neurodiversity requires a nuanced understanding and approach. By acknowledging and respecting cultural differences and developing culturally responsive services and supports, we can better meet the needs of this unique and diverse community. Moving forward, both Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians must work together to create a more inclusive society that honours the richness of cultural and neurodivergent diversity.

References:

Armstrong, D., Birrell, C., & Vandenberg, B. (2019). Cultural sensitivity and autism support: The role of Indigenous community involvement in service development. Journal of Indigenous Wellbeing, 4(2), 14-27.

Cvejic, R. C., et al. (2018). Understanding Autism in the Context of Australian Indigenous Culture: Insights from Families and Professionals. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, 52(7), 617-626.

Purdie, N., Dudgeon, P., & Walker, R. (2010). Working Together: Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Mental Health and Wellbeing Principles and Practice. Commonwealth of Australia.

Navigating Autistic Burnout

Autistic burnout is a state of intense physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion that many autistic individuals experience. It often results from prolonged exposure to stressors, like masking or pushing oneself to meet neurotypical standards. Unlike general burnout, autistic burnout can profoundly affect daily functioning and overall well-being.

What is Autistic Burnout?

Autistic burnout is more than just feeling tired. It’s a state where the mind and body can no longer cope with the demands placed upon them. It might feel like you're running on empty, with every small task becoming an overwhelming challenge. Some common signs include:

Increased Sensory Sensitivity: Lights, sounds, or textures that were once manageable become overwhelming.

Cognitive Difficulties: Trouble with thinking, focusing, or processing information.

Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling emotionally drained, numb, or easily upset.

Physical Fatigue: A deep tiredness that doesn't improve with rest.

Regression in Skills: Losing the ability to perform tasks or engage in previously manageable activities.

Causes of Autistic Burnout

Autistic burnout often builds up over time due to chronic stress and the pressure to conform to neurotypical expectations. Some contributing factors include:

Masking: Constantly hiding or suppressing autistic traits to fit in can be draining.

Sensory Overload: Too noisy, bright, or chaotic environments can wear you down.

Social Exhaustion: The effort of navigating social situations or maintaining relationships.

Unmet Needs: When your needs for routine, downtime, or support are unmet, burnout can creep in.

Expectations and Pressure: Feeling pressured to meet societal or self-imposed expectations can lead to burnout.

Preventing and Managing Autistic Burnout

Managing autistic burnout involves recognising the signs early and taking steps to care for yourself. Here are some strategies:

Prioritise Rest: Ensure you sleep enough and take breaks throughout your day. Rest isn’t just about sleep; it’s also about giving yourself mental and emotional downtime.

Reduce Sensory Overload: Create a sensory-friendly environment by using noise-cancelling headphones, dimming lights, or finding quiet spaces.

Set Boundaries: It's okay to say no to activities or social interactions that feel too demanding. Protecting your energy is essential.

Routine and Structure: Having a predictable routine can help reduce anxiety and provide a sense of control.

Seek Support: Connect with other neurodivergent individuals who understand what you’re going through. Sometimes, just knowing you’re not alone can be incredibly reassuring.

Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. It’s okay to need more rest or to take a step back. Burnout doesn’t mean you’re failing; it signals you need to care for yourself.

Recovering from Autistic Burnout

Recovery from autistic burnout takes time, and the journey is different for everyone. Here’s how to approach it:

Give Yourself Permission to Rest: Don’t rush your recovery. Allow yourself the time you need to heal.

Re-evaluate Your Environment: Identify and adjust the factors contributing to your burnout, whether it's your work environment, daily routine, or social obligations.

Gradually Reintroduce Activities: Start with small, manageable tasks and progressively increase them as you feel ready.

Professional Support: Consider seeking help from a therapist who understands autism and can provide guidance tailored to your needs.

Final Thoughts

Autistic burnout is a natural and challenging experience, but you can manage and recover from it with understanding and the right strategies. Remember, putting your needs first and seeking the support that helps you thrive is okay. Embracing who you are and honouring your limits is not a weakness—it’s a vital part of living well as a neurodivergent individual.

PDA: A Neurodivergent-Affirming Perspective

Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is characterised by an intense need to resist everyday demands and a deep drive to maintain a sense of autonomy. However, within the neurodivergent community, there’s a growing shift toward understanding PDA not as “Pathological Demand Avoidance” but a Persistent Desire for Autonomy. This perspective reflects a more affirming view of the experiences and needs of those with PDA.

What is a PDA?

PDA can be understood as a natural response to perceived threats to autonomy. Individuals with PDA often experience demands—whether they are direct instructions, social expectations, or even subtle pressures—as overwhelming. This response isn’t rooted in defiance or oppositional behaviour but rather in an acute sensitivity to losing control. From a neurodivergent-affirming perspective, recognising this as a desire for autonomy rather than a pathology shifts the focus to understanding and supporting the individual's need for agency.

A Neurodivergent-Affirming Approach

A neurodivergent-affirming approach begins with reframing how we view behaviours associated with PDA. Instead of seeing these behaviours as something to be corrected, we can see them as a form of communication and a vital expression of the need for autonomy. This approach emphasises collaboration, flexibility, and emotional safety, aiming to reduce the sense of threat that triggers demand avoidance.

Critical Strategies for Supporting Individuals with PDAs:

Building Trust and Connection: Trust is fundamental in supporting individuals with PDA. By creating a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding, individuals are more likely to feel safe and supported.

Flexibility and Collaboration: Recognize that rigid demands can trigger anxiety and avoidance. Offering choices and involving the individual in decision-making respects their autonomy and helps to alleviate pressure.

Prioritising Emotional Safety: It is crucial to provide a safe space where individuals can express their needs without fear of judgment or punishment. Recognising when someone is feeling overwhelmed and adjusting expectations accordingly can prevent escalation.

Strength-Based Approaches: Focus on the individual’s interests and strengths, using these as pathways for engagement. This helps build confidence and a sense of accomplishment, making demands feel less threatening.

Empathy and Understanding: Acknowledge and validate the challenges of PDA. Understanding that behaviors stem from a need for autonomy allows for a more compassionate and effective support approach.

Supporting Families and Caregivers

Families and caregivers of individuals with PDA often face unique challenges. Educating them about PDA from a neurodivergent-affirming perspective can help shift their approach to be more supportive and understanding. Providing tools for stress management and fostering open communication within the family can create a more harmonious environment.

Final Thoughts

Reframing PDA as a Persistent Desire for Autonomy aligns with a more respectful and compassionate understanding of neurodivergence. By focusing on the strengths and needs of individuals with PDA, a neurodivergent-affirming psychotherapist can foster an environment where autonomy is respected and where individuals can thrive. This approach supports the individual and nurtures healthier, more supportive relationships with their loved ones.

Understanding and Supporting Autistic Trans Young Men

As a psychotherapist specialising in neurodivergence, I've had the privilege of working with many autistic trans young men. Each of these individuals has a unique story shaped by their experiences, strengths, and challenges. This post aims to shed light on the intersection of autism and gender identity, providing insights on how best to support autistic trans young men on their journey.

The Intersection of Autism and Gender Identity

Autism and gender identity are both deeply personal aspects of a person's life. When they intersect, the result is a nuanced and complex experience that requires understanding and empathy from everyone involved—family, friends, and mental health professionals.

Autistic individuals often experience the world differently. They may have heightened sensory sensitivities and a strong need for routine and may process emotions and social interactions differently from neurotypical individuals. For trans-autistic young men, navigating the complexities of gender identity can bring additional layers of challenge, particularly in environments that may not fully understand or support their experiences.

The Importance of Affirmation

Affirmation is crucial for the mental well-being of trans individuals, and this is no different for autistic trans young men. Affirmation means recognising and validating their gender identity, using their chosen name and pronouns, and creating an environment where they feel seen and respected. For autistic individuals, who may already feel out of sync with societal norms, this validation is even more critical.

In therapy, it is key to create a space where clients can explore their gender identity without fear of judgment. This means being knowledgeable about autism and gender diversity and open to learning from the client about their unique experiences.

Navigating Sensory Sensitivities and Medical Transition

One area where autism and gender identity intersect is in the sensory aspects of medical transition. For example, binding, a common practice among trans men to flatten the chest, can be particularly challenging for those with sensory sensitivities. The pressure of the binder, the texture of the material, and the changes in body awareness can be overwhelming.

Therapists and supporters should recognise these sensory challenges and work with the individual to find comfortable and safe solutions. This might mean exploring different types of binders, using sensory-friendly materials, or discussing alternatives like layered clothing.

Social Challenges and the Need for Community

Social challenges are a common experience for autistic individuals, and these can be compounded for autistic trans young men. They may face misunderstanding or even hostility from peers who do not understand their gender identity or autistic traits. This can lead to isolation, anxiety, and depression.

Finding or creating a supportive community is essential. Online spaces, support groups, and therapy can provide autistic trans young men with a sense of belonging. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating and help reduce loneliness.

The Power of Resilience

Despite the challenges, many autistic trans young men demonstrate remarkable resilience. They often have a deep self-awareness and can advocate for their needs. One client I worked with, Alex*, shared how embracing his identity as both autistic and trans gave him a new sense of purpose. He navigated his journey with courage and confidence by finding ways to accommodate his sensory needs and advocating for himself in social situations.

Supporting autistic trans young men requires a holistic and empathetic approach that recognises the unique interplay between autism and gender identity. As a therapist, it's my role to provide a safe, affirming space where these individuals can explore their identities, address challenges, and build on their strengths. For those supporting autistic trans young men, remember that affirmation, understanding, and community can make all the difference in their journey to living authentically.

*Name changed for privacy.

Coping with Sensory Overload: Strategies for Everyday Life

Living with sensory sensitivities can be overwhelming, especially in a world that’s often not designed with neurodivergent individuals in mind. Sensory overload occurs when too much sensory information—like sounds, lights, or textures—bombards the brain, making it difficult to process. This can lead to feelings of anxiety, irritability, or even physical discomfort.

As a psychotherapist, I’ve seen how sensory overload can impact daily life. However, it’s possible to manage these sensitivities and improve overall well-being with the right strategies and support. Here are some practical tips to help you or your loved ones navigate sensory challenges.

1. Create a Sensory-Friendly Environment

Modifying your environment is one of the most effective ways to manage sensory overload. Here are a few suggestions:

Lighting: Opt for soft, natural lighting whenever possible. Avoid fluorescent lights, which can be harsh and overstimulating. Consider using dimmable lights or lamps with adjustable brightness.

Sound: Use noise-cancelling headphones or earplugs to reduce background noise. Playing soft, calming music can also help create a more soothing atmosphere.

Textures: Be mindful of clothing and materials that come into contact with your skin. Choose soft, breathable fabrics and avoid tags or seams that may cause discomfort.

2. Establish Routines and Boundaries

Routine and predictability can be incredibly comforting for individuals with sensory sensitivities. Establishing routines reduces the uncertainty and anxiety that can lead to sensory overload.

Structured Daily Schedule: Try to maintain a consistent meal, sleep, and activities routine. Knowing what to expect can reduce anxiety and help you feel more in control.

Designated Quiet Spaces: Create a safe, quiet space at home or work where you can retreat when sensory input becomes overwhelming. This could be a bedroom, a cozy corner, or even a closet with soft lighting and calming items.

3. Develop Coping Techniques

Having strategies to manage sensory overload when it occurs is crucial. Here are some techniques that may help:

Mindful Breathing: Practice deep breathing exercises to calm your nervous system. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat until you feel more grounded.

Grounding Exercises: Focus on your senses to stay present. Try the “5-4-3-2-1” technique: Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

Sensory Tools: Carry items that help soothe your senses, such as fidget toys, weighted blankets, or scented lotions. These tools can provide comfort and help you regain control when feeling overwhelmed.

4. Prioritize Self-Care

Taking care of your overall well-being is essential for managing sensory sensitivities. You’re better equipped to handle sensory challenges when you're physically and emotionally balanced.

Sleep: Ensure you’re getting enough rest. Poor sleep can heighten sensory sensitivities, making you more susceptible to overload.

Nutrition: Maintain a balanced diet and stay hydrated. Some people find that certain foods can affect their sensory sensitivities, so paying attention to how your diet impacts your sensory experiences may be helpful.

Exercise: Regular physical activity can help reduce stress and improve mood, making it easier to manage sensory overload. Choose activities that you enjoy and that feel comfortable for your body.

5. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate sensory sensitivities alone. Talking to a therapist who understands neurodivergence can provide you with additional strategies and emotional support. Support groups or online communities can also be valuable resources for sharing experiences and coping techniques with others who understand what you’re going through.

Justice Sensitivity and ADHD

Understanding Justice Sensitivity in ADHD

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is commonly associated with difficulties in focus, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. However, there’s another aspect of ADHD that often goes unnoticed: justice sensitivity. This refers to a heightened awareness and intense emotional response to perceived unfairness or injustice. Understanding this can help parents and caregivers support their neurodivergent children more effectively.

What is Justice Sensitivity?

Justice sensitivity is the tendency to perceive and react strongly to unjust or unfair situations. Individuals with high justice sensitivity often experience intense emotions when they witness or experience injustice, whether directed at themselves, others, or even a group they care about.

In children and teens with ADHD, this sensitivity can manifest in several ways:

• Personal Sensitivity: They might feel personally wronged or unfairly treated, even when others do not see any injustice.

• Empathic Sensitivity: They may react strongly to unfairness directed towards others, often stepping in to defend or advocate for those they perceive as victims.

• Moral Sensitivity: They might be particularly attuned to moral issues, feeling deeply about what they believe is right or wrong.

Why is Justice Sensitivity More Common in ADHD?

Several factors contribute to the heightened justice sensitivity often observed in individuals with ADHD:

1. Emotional Dysregulation: ADHD is often accompanied by difficulties in managing emotions. This can lead to intense reactions to perceived injustices, making it harder for these individuals to “brush off” situations that seem unfair.

2. Executive Functioning Challenges: Individuals with ADHD may struggle with impulse control and problem-solving, which can make it harder to navigate complex social situations. When they perceive an injustice, they might react impulsively without taking the time to assess the situation entirely.

3. Hyperfocus on Values: People with ADHD can sometimes hyperfocus on specific ideas or values. If fairness and justice are important to them, they might zero in on these issues more intensely than their peers.

How Can Parents and Caregivers Help?

Understanding that justice sensitivity is a real and valid experience for many individuals with ADHD is the first step in supporting them. Here are some strategies to help:

1. Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions and let them know it’s okay to feel strongly about fairness. This validation can help them feel understood and supported.

2. Teach Perspective-Taking: Help them see situations from multiple viewpoints. This can be done through role-playing or discussing different scenarios where fairness might be perceived differently.

3. Develop Coping Strategies: Work on building emotional regulation skills. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or stepping away from a situation to calm down can be effective.

4. Encourage Advocacy in Healthy Ways: Guide them towards positive actions when they feel something is unfair, such as talking to a trusted adult or getting involved in causes that promote justice.

5. Provide Structure and Predictability: Since unpredictability can heighten feelings of unfairness, creating a structured environment where clear expectations can help reduce anxiety and frustration.

Justice sensitivity in ADHD is not a flaw but a reflection of a deep commitment to fairness and morality. By understanding and addressing this sensitivity, parents and caregivers can help their children navigate their emotions and advocate for fairness in a healthy, constructive way. In doing so, they empower their children to use their sensitivity as a strength rather than a source of distress.

Self care -embracing your unique needs

Self-care is essential for everyone, but it can uniquely benefit neurodivergent individuals. Neurodivergence includes a variety of conditions, such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and more, each with its own set of challenges and strengths. Understanding and embracing your neurodivergent identity is critical to creating a self-care routine supporting your well-being.

Understanding Neurodivergent Self-Care

Self-care isn't just about pampering yourself—it's about meeting your physical, emotional, and mental needs in a way that works for you. For neurodivergent people, this might mean approaching self-care differently than others. The key is to recognise what makes you feel good, calm, and balanced, even if it's not what others might traditionally consider self-care.

Tips for Neurodivergent Self-Care

1. Create a Sensory-Friendly Environment

- Many neurodivergent individuals are more sensitive to sensory input like noise, light, and textures. Creating a space that feels comfortable and calming can be incredibly beneficial. This might include using noise-cancelling headphones, soft lighting, or wearing clothes that feel good on your skin.

2. Prioritise Routine and Structure

- A predictable routine can be a source of comfort for many neurodivergent people. It can help reduce anxiety and create a sense of control. Whether it's having a consistent morning routine, setting regular mealtimes, or planning your week, find a structure that works for you.

3. Practice Self-Compassion

- It's easy to be hard on yourself, especially when you feel different from those around you. Practising self-compassion means recognising that it's okay to have needs that differ from others and that taking care of yourself is essential. Permit yourself to rest, take breaks, and say no when necessary.

4. Engage in Activities that Bring Joy

- What makes you happy and fulfilled might not be the same as what others enjoy, and that's perfectly okay. Whether engaging in a particular interest, spending time in nature, or simply enjoying some alone time, prioritise activities that bring you joy and satisfaction.

5. Mind Your Mental Health

- Mental health is a crucial part of self-care. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed, it's essential to seek support. This might involve talking to a therapist who understands neurodivergence, joining a support group, or using coping strategies like mindfulness or journaling.

6. Set Boundaries

- Neurodivergent individuals might find social situations, work, or specific environments particularly draining. Setting boundaries around your time and energy is vital. This could mean limiting social interactions, taking regular breaks, or creating a safe space to retreat and recharge.

7. Customise Your Self-Care

- There's no one-size-fits-all approach to self-care, especially for neurodivergent individuals. You might find that traditional self-care activities don't resonate with you, and that's okay. Please customise your self-care routine to include what makes you feel comfortable, supported, and nourished.

Self-care for neurodivergent individuals is about honouring your unique needs and preferences. Creating a self-care routine that reflects your identity can foster a sense of well-being and resilience. Remember, the most critical aspect of self-care is that it feels right for you—whatever that may look like.

Supporting your neurodivergent teen

Supporting your teenager in a neurodivergent-affirming way involves learning, understanding, and adapting. Recognising and valuing your teen's unique ways of thinking, processing, and experiencing the world is essential. Here are some strategies to help you support your neurodivergent teen with empathy and affirmation:

1. Educate Yourself About Neurodivergence: Understanding your teen's specific neurodivergence, whether autism, ADHD, dyslexia, or another condition, can help you better support them. Learn about how their brain works differently, the challenges they may face, and the strengths that come with their neurodivergence. This knowledge will help you respond empathetically and advocate for your teen in various settings.

2. Celebrate Their Strengths and Interests: Neurodivergent teens often have unique strengths and deep interests. Encouraging these interests can boost their confidence and provide a sense of accomplishment. Celebrate their strengths and help your teen see the value in their abilities rather than focusing solely on challenges.

3. Create a Supportive and Understanding Home Environment: A neurodivergence-affirming home is where your teen feels safe, accepted, and understood. Be patient with their needs, whether they require more structure or flexibility, and recognise that their way of navigating the world might differ. Open communication is key—listen to your teen’s needs, preferences, and boundaries and work together to create an environment that supports their well-being.

4. Respect Their Need for Autonomy: Supporting your teen’s independence is crucial for their growth. Please encourage them to make life decisions, from setting their daily routines to pursuing interests and hobbies. Respecting their autonomy also means allowing them to advocate for themselves and choose how they wish to engage with others and the world around them.

5. Practice Patience and Understanding During Difficult Times: Neurodivergent teens may experience sensory overload, emotional regulation challenges, or difficulties with social interactions. During these times, it’s essential to remain patient and provide the understanding they need. Instead of fixing or changing their behaviour, focus on offering comfort and finding strategies that work for them. This might include creating quiet spaces, using calming techniques, or simply offering a listening ear.

6. Advocate for Their Needs in School and Social Settings: Your teen may need specific accommodations to thrive in school or other settings. Work with teachers, counsellors, and other professionals to ensure they have the support they need. This might include adjustments to their learning environment, extended time on tests, or access to sensory-friendly spaces. Advocating for your teen’s needs is essential to their success and well-being.

7. Promote Self-Acceptance and Positive Identity: Help your teen develop a positive self-identity by affirming their neurodivergence as a part of who they are rather than something to be fixed. Please encourage them to connect with others who share similar experiences through online communities, support groups, or social activities. Positive role models and mentors can also help them see the possibilities for their future.

8. Seek Professional Support When Needed: There may be times when professional support is necessary. Whether it’s therapy, coaching, or educational support, finding professionals who understand and affirm neurodivergence can make a significant difference in your teen’s life. Don’t hesitate to seek help and involve your teen in decision-making to ensure the support feels right for them.

9. Take Care of Yourself: Supporting a neurodivergent teen can be rewarding and challenging. Remember to take care of your own mental and emotional health as well. Seek support from other parents, online communities, or professionals who understand your experience. Taking care of yourself enables you to support your teen best.

Supporting your teenager in a neurodivergence-affirming way involves understanding, celebrating, and advocating for their unique needs and strengths. By embracing their individuality and fostering an environment of acceptance and respect, you can help your teen thrive and develop a positive sense of self. Remember, your support and affirmation are crucial in their journey toward self-acceptance and empowerment.